DRAWING UP THE guestlist is your big chance to bring together all the most precious people in your lives – relatives, childhood friends, colleagues, team-mates and the friends you have made together.


When the actor Ricky Tomlinson married his fiancée, Rita, he invited masses of guests and paid for, “suits and shoes for all my mates, as well as taxis to pick everyone up and take them home.” He was crafty, too, because OK! magazine took care of the security when they bought the exclusive photos of his wedding. But you don’t have to go to such lengths to have an unforgettable party.

Choosing your guests can be tricky if one partner is an only child and the other is one of eight – it is not many brides and bridegrooms that have families of exactly the same size. But it is usual to invite roughly the same number of guests from each “side”.

Once you have decided whom you would like to attend, give them plenty of notice. It is increasingly common to send a “save the date” note, followed about two months before the event by a formal invitation.

It is important not to take your guests for granted. They will not be able to just drop their busy schedules in your favour, so it is a courtesy to make first contact with them around six months beforehand.

You could create a special email address (such as mywedding@hotmail.com) to receive your wedding correspondence, then you are sure not to lose any important emails.
Some people even create a wedding website with venue maps, gift list links, useful information such as accommodation for far-travelled guests and even a message page for well-wishers to record congratulations and anecdotes.

Wedding lists are popular because they save the guest the disapppointment of giving an unwanted or duplicate gift. But it is a delicate business, listing those things you desire, without appearing mercenary.

Many stores offer discreet and efficient lists, and the wise couple will include items that range from only a few pounds in value to costlier purchases, and divide china into “lots” – eight soup bowls, eight side plates, and so on.

Where the couple are already well set up, an alternative is to ask your guests who want to give a gift to contribute towards an artwork held by a gallery, towards the honeymoon, or to make a donation to a charity.

While it will be easy for local guests to attend your wedding, and not too expensive for them, those who are travelling from far and wide have to book overnight and transport costs. For your guests who are coming a distance, provide details and prices of recommended hotels. If you are marrying in a hotel or having your reception there, you may get a discount.

Detailed written directions for reaching your wedding venue and parking information on arrival are indispensable if you want guests to enjoy the day as much as you will.